the beauty of the rain is how it falls.

There's something about days like today that just makes me want to curl up with a good book, sip on a warm cup of coffee, and listen to the rain. There's something about living in Texas that has just allowed me to really cherish a rainy days like this. I think it's probably the combination of the scorching hot summer weather and just the way the rain kind of makes everything slow down; whether it be traffic on the morning commute to work, or just my spirit. I can practically hear the trees and grass breathe a sigh of relief with the steady shower. I love it. On a day like this when i was in college (i feel so old saying that--but i am out of college now...) more likely than not i would use the rain as an excuse to lay in bed a little longer...letting the minutes slip away, as well as my 9 o'clock class. :) Then i would head over to my Starbucks 2 exits down the road, chat with my favorite baristas, sit in one of the purple velvet chairs, and take in life. greatness.

just FYI, this post is actually several half-posts combined.


So...speaking of the rain...i feel like...when it rains, it pours.----feel free to take that literally or figuratively. In this case...well, i mean it both ways because it did literally pour yesterday...both ways....oh goodness.


I finally finished my journal that I've had since December. FINALLY. I was getting tired of that thing---it was just so stinkin thick; I was starting to think it was a never-ending journal, straight out of a Harry Potter book, or something.
That said, i figured that since I'm starting a brand new journal, it's probably time for a new blog post as well...it's been a while.
I'll be honest...I have probably almost 20 unpublished blog posts that I've started, but never finished. Some i was just blogging because i hadn't in a while, and in all of them, i just couldn't finish my thoughts. More honestly---I think also one of the main reasons they were never published or finished is because on most of them, my pride took over and i started putting pressure on myself to write something insightful and meaningful---as if wisdom and insight ever come from me---they do not.


To begin my new journal, i decided to write out a list of goals (more like hopes) that i have for it. Here are a few of them, in no particular order:
1) that it be filled with beautiful poetry---that of others, and my own. I used to write a lot of poetry---soul bearing poetry. In the last few years the creativity and "soul bearing" just hasn't come like it used to, and any attempt tends to leave me a bit dejected.
2)that it be full of tales of sanctifying, God-glorifying relationships---relationships in which i am completely raw, completely me; opening myself up to the hurt that could befall me, and to the love that could develop and endure
3)at the risk of sounding lame...let's just be honest...i hope that there's something about a guy in there too
4)I pray that it is full of victories over sin, an opening of my heart, and an ever increasing passion for Christ.

Yesterday morning, I read something on the Living Proof Ministries Blog that relates to my current struggles. It comes from the book Devotions for a Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas, and although I am not married, I think this could be applied to any kind of relationship.

Personal worship is an absolute necessity for a strong marriage. It comes down to this: If I stop receiving from God, I start demanding from others. Instead of appreciating and loving and serving others, I become disappointed in them. Instead of cherishing my wife, I become aware of her shortcomings. I take out my frustrations with a less-than-perfect life and somehow blame her for my lack of fulfillment.
But when my heart gets filled by God's love and acceptance, I'm set free to love instead of worrying about being loved. I'm motivated to serve instead of becoming obsessed about whether I'm being served. I'm moved to cherish instead of feeling unappreciated.

My only frustration with this is that we cannot choose when we "receive" from God. God has his own timing. I think the key here is to keep seeking and praying and seeking and wrestling; because He has promised that if we seek and knock, he'll open the door. That's where I'm at right now---yay step study---praying and asking, seeking and wrestling, waiting for the heart change. Honestly, this entire process has become pretty wearisome, but I can rest in the fact that God is faithful, merciful, and his love endures. I yearn for my heart to know the kind of love described above.

OK, I'm actually going to post this one! miracle of miracles!

hope everyone is doing well! sorry it's been so long!

PS - job is going well; youth is going well; house has DVR now, so that's amazing; the office starts in a few weeks, as does Grey's anatomy---and once again, yay for DVR :) and yay for you if you made it all the way through my post.

love y'all